uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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