I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
