At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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