i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
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