Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
