I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
