I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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