Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
