in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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