I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
