If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
