After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
