Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
