I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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