"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I just found a bag of teeth...
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
