mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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