my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
