Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
