Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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