I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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