Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
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