Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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