there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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