No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
