i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
