After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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