She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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