I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
