I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
