the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
