why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
