I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
