I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
