Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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