I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
