We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
