Pappa wants mamma naked
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
