i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
