if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
