That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
