official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
