so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
