Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Randomize
