I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
