I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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