New invention idea: vibrating tampons
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
