i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
