Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
