Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
