someone threw a dead crab at me
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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