What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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