I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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