is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize