did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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