Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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