Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
