it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
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It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
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You ate ashes out of my bong
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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