New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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