good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
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Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
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Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize